Dear Geek Goddess:
Hi! I'm a 31 year old woman with a 5 yr old son. I enjoy a good geek as much as the next girl. I have found a problem lately.
Every guy I've talked to lately is saying things like "you're my soul mate! I can tell we were meant to be together! Let me meet your son!" Its kinda creeping me out! I want to find my other half, but after a few chats or one date? And the whole meeting my son thing! I won't drag my son into anything unless I have been with the guy a while. When I say "Not yet." They react with "I'll accept him!"
My question for you. How can I get guys to understand it's not them accepting him, its not putting my son in a situation where he likes someone and it doesn't work out? Its starting to get frustrating!
pinki
First of all, good for you for putting your son first and thinking through the situation thoroughly. My guess is that these guys see your son as a way to attempt to win you over - if your son is attached then you might be less inclined to break up with them, or if your son gives the guy a good review, then you might be more inclined to go out with them again.
You need to let them know that your son comes first in your life, and that it is more important for him to be happy than for your boyfriend to get to meet him. You are absolutely right - your son will likely get confused if he suddenly can't see someone he really hit it off with because you don't want to date them anymore. A simple "I don't let my son meet anyone I'm not serious about" will suffice, and they should get the hint from that.
Dear Geek Goddess,
I was on a date recently and was called a chauvinist for treating my date like a lady (as my parents brought me up to be.) this obviously meant I opened the doors for her, held out her seat and paid the bill. If women are all looking for respect, why is it that I was given such a title.
Needless to say I did not call her again. I mean if my efforts are just going to be criticized then its not worth my time correct?
thanks
-small town drummer
Well, if you need justification, then yes, I guess it's not worth your time.
If you need honesty, then let me ask - are these habits of treating someone like a lady characteristic of who you really are? If so, then why would you stop doing them just because one person criticized you for doing them? Would you stop breathing because someone told you it was stupid?
I can't tell you why that one particular woman was offended by courtesy. Maybe she was just a bitch? Just do me a favor - and this is really for all men in the world - if you are going to hold a door open for a woman on the first date, make sure you still do it when you're married, please!
Dear geek goddess,
Basically I just recently ended a 2 year relationship about a month ago, and I'm better for it cuz I'm more confident and stronger and just overall happier with myself today. But here's the thing, I hate being single. I'm okay with it, I've come to terms with it, but I just really like the companionship of knowing that there is someone out there who is on my side and is just waiting to make my bad day better or my good day fantastic. my last relationship ended up hurting me a lot. I was cheated on multiple times and it was just very dramatic, it needed to end. but I miss being appreciated, and wanted. I'm a romantic, but I have no one to be romantic with. I'm not necessarily looking on gk2gk for a relationship at the moment. cuz I'm done looking for men, I've decided that if they want me they can find me, and until then I'm working on me. is that the wrong way to go about stuff or did I finally figure out what I needed to do? lol
Sounds like you've finally figured it all out. It's funny how you say you miss being appreciated and wanted, yet you were cheated on and hurt by your last relationship. So do you actually know what it's like to be appreciated and wanted? I don't think you are missing what you had, but are craving what you never had.
Stay single for awhile and figure out what you want. It's easy to slip back into a blanket of codependence when that's what you're used to, but you'll never be who you truly are until you learn who that is on your own.
