E-Cyrano Says - Advice on using Internet dating sites, October 2005
by Evan Marc Katz
I was delighted when Geek2Geek’s CEO and Head Geek, Spencer Koppel, asked me to contribute some material to his amazing new website. Looking around, I realized that this place fills a very important niche in the online dating marketplace. Where else can you find so many like-minded people? Yahoo? Match? HotOrNot? I don’t think so. There’s only one place where there are more singles who value Buffy box sets over buff bodies, and you’re on it right now. Congratulations.
I have a strong affinity to the mission of Geek2Geek, because I’ve always considered myself a bit outside the mainstream. Not just simply because I had to ask three people before I got a prom date, or because I was a virgin until I was 19 (although it helps). Rather, I always felt a little different because I never identified with what was considered prototypically cool. Just by being somewhat cerebral, I couldn’t find any comfort level with most of my peers who were so busy partying and cutting class. From the outside looking in, a piece of me wanted to be part of that slickly dressed crowd that always seemed to be having so much fun. Then again, a bigger piece of me knew it wasn’t right. I ended up splitting the difference by going to Duke University where, like water finding its level, I discovered a whole bunch of people who were just like me in high school. It was there that I started dating and developing a better understanding of the process.
Fifteen years and many, many dates later, I run a website called E-Cyrano.com, which is designed to help online daters create unique, and therefore successful, online profiles. And on a site like Geek2Geek, where there are no photos, it’s ALL about the profiles. As you probably have recognized, the problem with most profiles is that everybody sounds pretty much the same. If I’m nice and smart and kind and warm and funny and honest and ambitious; and like hiking and biking and movies and music and travel; and am looking for my best friend and lover and partner-in-crime, that’s very good indeed. Thing is: you may describe yourself in the same way. As could your best friend. And my mom. So how are you going to differentiate yourself from the crowd?
It’s tricky, but the idea is to try to tell a story in which you’re largely saying the same thing as everybody else – in completely different words. That’s your only goal. Be unique. Not by being weird for the sake of being weird, but by trying to figure out how your details are different than everybody else’s details. Geek2Geek has a really thorough questionnaire, designed specifically for the kind of people who frequent a site like this. Still, if one guy checks off a generic box that says he likes science fiction and another alludes to his prized Boba Fett action figure, still in its original packaging, who comes off as more interesting? The more specifics you put in your two essays (About Me, About the One I’m Looking For), the more likely you are to elicit an “Oh my God, me TOO!” moment. Which is all you really need to make first contact, isn’t it?
Maybe it’s just because profile writing is my business, but I truly see it as equal parts art and science. Ironically, there’s a formula to creating something unique – but it’s your job to plug in the variables. Behold, a quick and easy formula, which requires absolutely no knowledge of trig or calc.
1) Killer first line. Quirky, funny, random. Doesn’t start with “I”, such as “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” “I recently moved from Chicago,” or “I’m a down-to-earth girl who is looking for a down-to-earth guy”.
2) Think of five adjectives to describe you and come up with examples to illustrate them. For example, one wouldn’t say “I’m cultured,” but instead say “I can order my dinner in French, but don’t because it would be pretentious.” Or something like that.
3) Avoid anything remotely negative about you, anyone else, and the medium of online dating as a whole. No one looks good when you rail against the world.
4) Normally, you shouldn’t say anything about your looks since the pictures speak for themselves. On here, since you’re not visible, it’s not a bad idea to put in a few lines about how you look.
5) Even if rebuilding Macs or cloning sheep are what’s most likely to draw ‘em in, you’re more than just a list of interests. Don’t be afraid of spewing a couple of cheesy platitudes about love. They make you human. Ending on something heartfelt is a nice touch for a reader looking to make a real connection.,
6) Spell-check. Please, oh, please, spell-check.
So there you have it…on the record, in black in white, the magic elixir that’s going to attract more attention to you than Michael Jackson would get for marrying Angelina Jolie.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to write me at my Geek2Geek account (mysterE33) and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Until next month, warmest wishes,
Evan Marc Katz
Evan Marc Katz is the author of “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating” and CEO of online profile writing service, E-Cyrano.com. He can be reached directly at www.evanmarckatz.com.
